A Different Direction

Sometimes life goes in a different direction than we plan. And when you come from the perspective that everything that happens is the best possible thing, all you can do is trust it. So I’m trusting the process.

Deryk and I split up 2 months ago. We’re still friends, but the passion has been gone for a long time.

One of the reasons it was so hard to let go was because I’ve been writing a screenplay for years. And I thought I was writing my love story.  So I think in a way I thought I’d be a failure if I didn’t finish it. I was always looking for the ending. I haven’t been writing it since having children. Somewhere along the way I lost the inspiration.

There’s a quote that I’ve always loved about letting go that goes something like this…

‘Let go of the life you planned to live the life that’s waiting for you’. 

I came to realize that what I envisioned for my future and what was currently my reality wasn’t aligned. We weren’t working together towards the same vision.

Another reason it was so hard to let go is that there are two little girls involved. And you may be thinking that I should stay for them. 

But they saw a mommy who constantly cried on the kitchen floor. They heard me yell often and admittedly sometimes at them when it had nothing to do with them. And that makes me so sad to say. They’re early risers…you may remember my days started at 4:30am for about 6 months. (They still wake up around 5am). It was crazy yes, but I tried to do it happily. But that meant most mornings I was up for 3 hours with the girls by myself. Eventually that became resentment and that’s when I finally came to realize that they deserved a happier mommy, even if that meant their mom and dad would live in separate homes. 

So I am doing this for them AND I am doing this for me. I believe in the partnership of love and I believe that I deserve all of the abundance the universe has to offer. We all do. 

Now Deryk suffers from depression. And I think it’s important to mention this because it played a role. We stopped communicating in a healthy way. And it wasn’t until I ended our relationship that he could finally hear the things that needed attention. Which I’ll be honest, I truly am grateful that he can hear me now.

He started counselling within a week of the breakup and it has helped him tremendously.  Talking to someone objectively who can help with an action plan has been life changing for him.

If you’re depressed or you know someone who is, or even if you’re feeling stuck or just not yourself, try counselling. It’s been super beneficial.

I believe this breakup was the best thing that could have happened for our family. Now the children will get two parents who are the best versions of themselves that they can be. It may be challenging in the beginning as we learn a new way to live as a family, but coming from a divorced family, I know they will learn from the way that we choose to work together moving forward. Our new relationship as co-parents will be a positive and healthy example for them.

Sometimes we think that staying where we are is the solution. I trusted it for so long and then finally realized it wasn’t the right answer for me. I wasn’t living my best and most authentic life. And I know and believe in my heart that what I’m doing isn’t selfish. I believe that my girls will flourish and I know that they’re going to watch me fly.

Wishing you peace, balance, happiness, vibrant health and lasting love.

Sandy xo

Read more from Sandy at 1010Zen

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